Author: Jeannie Norris
Love & Limits
Helping grandparents adopt after tragedy
The 2½-year-old girl survived a car crash that killed her little brother and sent her mother to prison for 10 years. Her father left town after that.
Life wasn’t stable before the accident – her parents had addictions and housing problems – but it was all Julia knew and loved, and it was one in one day. Family preservation specialist Sarah Braswell was called in to help her grandparents prepare to adopt.
“By this time, Julia was in kindergarten and her grandparents desperately wanted to raise her and keep her safe, but they were having trouble setting boundaries. She’d been through such a horrible, tragic experience and they didn’t want to say ‘no’ to her. They just lavished her. And while that may sound like an ideal way to live – like a fantasy – in reality children need stability, and stability requires structure and boundaries. The grandparents needed to be able to say, ‘We love you, but you’re the child and we’re the grownups. We’ll guide you in the correct direction.’
“So I worked with them to teach some basic parenting skills, like how to discipline and offer choices, and they were able to adopt Julia in August. This case really touched me because I stayed with my grandparents when I was her age. My situation was different – my sister was battling cancer, so my mom was at the hospital and my dad was working to pay the bills – but Grandma and Grandpa were my surrogate parents. “To be able to help these grandparents learn how to love Julia appropriately and create a relationship they can maintain through her life – that was a blessing.”
WHAT IS FAMILY PRESERVATION? One-on-one coaching for families to prevent or minimize foster care placements of their children
Quinn
His family shut him out but he is forging ahead
When he was 15 Quinn was a smart, well-liked 10th grader – active in his school’s athletics and clubs. That changed in an instant when he did something irrational and impulsive. No amount of regret could undo it and Quinn ended up in court.
A week later, Quinn was sent to one of our crisis & assessment centers and 30 days after that, he was accepted into our transitional living program. And this is where Quinn’s story turns.
Cast off by his parents, Quinn took control of his life. He accepted responsibility for what he did, made amends as best he could, and decided to move forward.
Now, barely 17, Quinn has graduated from high school and started college. He works full time at a restaurant, but he’s struggling. When he realized how difficult it would be to work, make ends meet, and succeed in college, he enlisted in the Army. There he plans to continue his education and train for a career in cyber security.
Everyone has a back story, everyone makes mistakes. But Quinn has learned he can rise above his worst moment and create a life worth living – and worth sharing.
What is transitional living?
A residential program that prepares court-involved teens for their transition into adulthood by teaching them to live independently
Life 101
She shows kids a wider world in books and theater
Imagine for a moment that you are the teacher at one of our multipurpose homes. The kids who live here are between the ages of 10 and 17 and they all have multiple juvenile offenses. As the teacher, you know they need academic help – but they also need life help. Many of them are in trouble because they’ve never been shown a life worth living. So, what do you do?
If you’re Lovey Steinert, you show them compassion and you show them a life beyond their back door. You introduce them to books and theater – even when they grumble about it – because there’s something magical about seeing a story come to life on the stage, and it often takes them by surprise.
“Some of them get really, really into it,” Lovey says. “One boy in class was reading the part of Jonathan in Arsenic and Old Lace with this deep, intense voice. He was better than the actor we saw in the play.”
Lovey knew early in her teaching career that she wanted to work with these kids – the ones with the “problem” label. She could see the insecurity in their behaviors and she knew the ways childhood had hurt them. Something in them reminds her of herself as a kid growing up without her own mother, an only child slamming doors, blasting her radio, and escaping into books.
But she had an advantage – a father who gave her stability and love – and some of our kids don’t get that at home.
“We just read the quote from To Kill a Mockingbird, when Atticus says you don’t understand a person until you crawl into his skin. I guess that sums up why I do it,” Lovey says. “I put myself in the place of the kids and connect with them to be the support they need.”
WHAT IS A MULTIPURPOSE HOME? A group home for kids (ages 10-17) whose repeat offenses are leading them toward more serious involvement in the juvenile justice or adult corrections system
Good begins in her kitchen
A Benevolent Table
While others her age were kicking back with a Teen Beat or Sassy magazine, 13-year-old Jill Sergison was studying Martha Stewart Living and Miss Manners. Entertaining is in her DNA; cooking is her love language.
So it makes perfect sense that hospitality is her go-to for giving back.
Every few months, Jill opens her Durham home to paying guests for a cooking lesson, a shared meal, and an opportunity to do good. The dinner series is called A Benevolent Table, and it raises money for charities including Methodist Home for Children.
“A Benevolent Table is about coming together, learning how to make delicious food, having some drinks, making new friends, enjoying a delicious dinner,” Jill says. “But it’s also about using this bounty and community for good.”
The idea came to Jill after her husband, Peter, was diagnosed with stage IV non-Hodgkin lymphoma a couple of years ago. The news was devastating to their family of four – but the response from friends, and even people Jill didn’t know that well, was immediate and overwhelming.
Within hours, they loaded her countertops and refrigerator with meals that kept coming for months.
The love and care represented by all that food – shared with her family at its most vulnerable time – was an enormous comfort. And while sharing a meal with friends or strangers has always felt like an act of faith to her, A Benevolent Table has created a way for Jill to give thanks and give back by doing something she loves.
HAVE AN IDEA? Writing a check is great, but sometimes it’s more fun to give as a group or through a project you love. Talk to us at [email protected].
Myles & Mia
Marc Ridel Creative
MYLES, AGE 8
MIA, AGE 6
A few years ago, they might have laughed at the idea. They definitely would have called it crazy.
But Tabitha and David couldn’t see then what they see now: How their hearts and home would stretch to make room for five children under the age of 9.
Tabitha and David adopted their first two children in September – a brother-sister pair, 8-year-old Myles and 6-year-old Mia. And when September rolls around again, they expect to have adopted another sibling group – by then ages 6, 5, and 4.
Let that sink in.
In the span of one year, this couple is adopting five children, ages 8, 6, 6, 5, and 4. That’s a 3rd grader, two 1st graders, a kindergartener, and a preschooler. In eight years, four of them will be in middle school at the same time, with one ahead in high school.
Myles and Mia came to this Franklin County foster home in May 2016 after their mother left them with friends and never came back. Social services tried twice to place them with relatives, first in Wilmington and then in Georgia, but neither option worked out. By the time it became clear Myles and Mia had no other family to help, Tabitha and David were parenting a second group of siblings already on track for adoption.
So the decision was made, no discussion needed. Tabitha and David would adopt all five of their foster children – Myles and Mia, plus three others we’ll introduce in the fall
MYLES, AGE 8
MIA, AGE 6
A few years ago, they might have laughed at the idea. They definitely would have called it crazy.
But Tabitha and David couldn’t see then what they see now: How their hearts and home would stretch to make room for five children under the age of 9.
Tabitha and David adopted their first two children in September – a brother-sister pair, 8-year-old Myles and 6-year-old Mia. And when September rolls around again, they expect to have adopted another sibling group – by then ages 6, 5, and 4.
Let that sink in.
In the span of one year, this couple is adopting five children, ages 8, 6, 6, 5, and 4. That’s a 3rd grader, two 1st graders, a kindergartener, and a preschooler. In eight years, four of them will be in middle school at the same time, with one ahead in high school.
Myles and Mia came to this Franklin County foster home in May 2016 after their mother left them with friends and never came back. Social services tried twice to place them with relatives, first in Wilmington and then in Georgia, but neither option worked out. By the time it became clear Myles and Mia had no other family to help, Tabitha and David were parenting a second group of siblings already on track for adoption.
So the decision was made, no discussion needed. Tabitha and David would adopt all five of their foster children – Myles and Mia, plus three others we’ll introduce in the fall
Halie, Ryan, & Madison
Lorreen and Dan and their two sons were relocating to North Carolina. They were house hunting and, like all homebuyers, had a checklist of features. The house had to accommodate their mobility – both sons have spina bifida and wheelchairs are their primary mode of transportation. And it had to be big. They were a family of four, but Lorreen and Dan had decided to become foster parents.
When they found a house they liked, they prayed together and looking up, they both just knew. Dan spoke first. “We’re going to live here. And we’re going to get three kids.” Lorreen responded, “Two girls and a boy.” And so their story begins.
HALIE, AGE 15
RYAN, AGE 12
MADISON, AGE 11
The kids are arm wrestling in the front room. When Halie is pinned, she calls out “Whoopsie-daisy!” and her laughter fills the air. Anyone who has known her longer than a year knows this is nothing short of a miracle.
Lorreen and Dan met Halie two years ago when she came to their home for a one-week respite visit. They knew she had hemiparesis, or left-side weakness, a result of a congenital brain disorder and they knew this limited her ability to communicate. But they didn’t know how much pain she had.
She was terrified of Dan, all men really, because of abuse she suffered while living with her biological mother. She couldn’t regulate her emotions or make attachments. She felt loss and confusion at being separated from her home, her mother, her aunt, and two siblings. And because she could communicate none of this, she raged.
It would be great to say that Lorreen and Dan loved her through it, but that doesn’t tell the full story. They loved her, yes, but they also gave her a safe home, medical interventions, consistency, and stability. She improved, then thrived. And it was at that point Lorreen and Dan learned Halie had a brother and sister, each living in a different foster home.
“When I heard this,” Dan says, “I just looked at Lorreen and said, ‘We can’t let these kids separate.’ ” Soon they were visiting one weekend a month; then two. They would play together before returning to their foster homes. Over time, the siblings became comfortable together and with Lorreen and Dan and their two sons. And then the phone rang.
“Methodist Home for Children called and asked if we would be a family to all three,” Dan says. “And I replied, ‘Abso-fricking-lutely.’ ”
Last December, the teens were adopted in a ceremony uniquely styled for this family. Halie brought her baby doll, who was also officially adopted – and they unapologetically laughed and cheered. They had come a long way and were joyously committing to a lifetime of family.
Summer
Summertime. It’s that magical time of year when the pressure is off, and a kid can be a kid.
It’s a chance to relax, explore, learn – and create happy memories that last.
But what if your summer is a stretch of empty days, confined indoors?
Children come to us having never experienced the joy of a summer adventure. They’ve never been on a trip. They’re never been to camp. They have not seen the ocean, much less learned to sail. They’re never ridden a horse or learned to fish.
Together, we can give these children a summer to remember. How would you like to help?
SUMMER COOL-OFF ice cream party or boat ride at the lake $50
SUMMER STAPLES swim lessons, art lessons, or day camp $100
SUMMER DASH church camp, sports camp, or DC day trip $250
SUMMER GETAWAY baseball game & pizza night for a group home $500
SUMMER TRADITION one week at sleep-away camp $1,000
Que and Isaiah
This is how it looks to adopt: This is adoption day for Que, 6, and Isaiah, 5, who lived more than 4 ½ years in foster care with Gary and Kathy. Please share your words of encouragement and congratulations in the reply field below – the family will enjoy.
You may never have been to an actual adoption ceremony so here’s a tip: If you ever attend one … bring tissue.
Last month, when Kathy and Gary officially adopted their two boys, EVERYONE was so happy, they cried. The mom, the dad, all of the extended family members present, the entire MHC team, the social worker, the attorney, and yes, even the presiding clerk. It was just that kind of morning. We believe that every child deserves a chance – and happily, joyfully, with tears in our eyes, we celebrate with this new family.
Foster Parenting
Some foster parents want to adopt; others just want to help children transition into permanent homes with birth family or adoptive parents. Either way, you don’t have to be wealthy or married to be a foster parent. You don’t have to own your home.
What it takes
Our most successful parents have experience with children and a heart for helping people with mental health issues. Since foster children have been removed from their parents or primary caretakers, they often have special needs. Most are age 5 or older and arrive with emotional and behavioral challenges because of abuse, neglect, or abandonment.
We need foster parents who are willing to learn about grief and loss, show compassion, introduce structure, and support the child as part of a team, which may include doctors, therapists, schools, family members, social services, and mental health agencies.
Our foster parents get 60 hours of training as they prepare to become licensed and 10 hours annually on topics such as behavior management and trauma.
Independent Services
Even if you plan to foster or adopt through another agency or social services, our staff can help you through the process with MAPP training or home studies. Contact us at [email protected].
Want to know more?
We offer foster parents 24 / 7 support and competitive compensation. We do not discriminate on the basis of age, race, gender, marital status, or employment status.